Whiskey Season

I was really sick this week and the doctor gave me cough medicine that I shouldn't have. I am aware now, I have substance abuse issues. I don't want to cure them I want to use them as a crutch. I am scared shitless of everyday life.

Being strong is so tiring. I have been something for people to lean on and use for comfort for all my life. I am tired, so tired.

My abandonment issues are truly crippling. Anytime someone doesn't come through I beleive it to be the end of the world. I am so afraid of being abandoned. Anytime someone doesn't respond to a text or anything small like that I assume the worst. My mind turns it over and over until I have myself convinced of an intricate conspiracy against me. More on this later, I am kinda fucked up...