Up to me

Cuddling up with my roommates pit bill in front of the heater, watching its always sunny on hulu. Been a tough night but no one really wanted to see it through with me. I try so hard. To be nice, to make people like me...I know thats sad or whatever.
I try to do better...constantly but I guess I just can't be...

Strength is hard and seems wastefull. I have been filled with anger and resentment for so long I don't know when I can get over it. I get so angry sometimes I vomit. I try to control is so well...
I use my anger and frustration to come back to a child like place in which im comfortable feeling small. I wish it was being happy was simple to me.
I will never be comfortable being small. I will never be comfortable feeling small...

I am full of negative thoughts right now and I guess its up to be to try and chase them away...
up to me...

I want to see the good and the capacity for people to do good...I search for is desperately, and I've spent a lot of time waiting on that.